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John 11:4 “When he heard this, Jesus said, ‘This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.’”

In October of last year, I had a brain hemorrage at the base of the brain. Since I had not  yet reached 40, the shock was great. When I thought of my small children, Hezekiah’s prayer  automatically came to mind. It was exhausting, but every week God made it better. In prayer with sighing and praising, I read the entire Bible. To escape the busy everyday life, I took walks and marvelled at God’s creation.Two months had passed and I felt much better. At that time my younger sibling was supposed to get married. Everyone was worried about me, but I absolutely wanted to attend. I wanted to give my sibling my blessing and show my family and the coworkers who took such care of me how well I was doing by God’s grace. Yet when during the wedding before all my realtives, the symptoms of my sickness reappeared and I had to be taken to the hospital, I lost all hope.

It was so difficult to endure being sick again after believing I had conquered the sickness. My sickness really got to me, but it was even harder to see the people whom I love watch me suffer. Constant worrying, agitation, and a guilty conscience accompanied me. Not only my body but my heart suffered as well. Dizziness, nausea and listlessnes overcame me several times a day making my heart aggrieved with desperation and darkness like a huge stone. I had a brain hemorrage,  and  my father, who also had a brain hemorrage from a car accident and since then was confined to his home, and to see him lying there, left me speechless. My mother, on the other hand, did not let herself be led astray and held on to God’s sovereignty.

When I could not get up by myself, God led M. Maria and the children to me. It was very painful to meet my family in such a weak condition in which I could not do anything as father or husband. Chapter 38 from David’s Psalms was my song. I thought that I was in an endless dark tunnel, but God showed me little by little his light. I could take a short walk with my children and wife and shortly after that even go to church. I could also meet people again. Shepss. Kyunghee and the coworkers in Kyung-Sung center visited me several times and planted God’s word in me. Someone said that in order to battle the darkness, you should not try to drive away the darkness but call on the light. My own condition which snuffed out the light of God’s word, was revealed to me. I received Matthew 6:33 and obeyed the word to seek first God’s kingdom and his righteousness. I lived in a house for missionaries at Kyung-Sung center in Seoul so that my inward self that had gone askew could be healed by God’s grace.

Through Samuel Bible study with Shep. James, I was able to learn about God’s royal sovereignty. The  regular Daily Bread fellowship awakened my desire for good and spiritual things. I received John 11:4, When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” and the “gamma knife” operation was performed without complications. I recovered without any after effects and with God’s help I could return to my mission land. God gave me more love for Norway. In my company I  was promoted from a contracted employee to a permanent employee and they had consideration for me so that I could begin the work again little by little. My faith that had collapsed like a sand castle, was able to be built on the sturdy rock again. God allowed me to be thankful for every moment in my life and I praised him. He changed my inward self that doubted at the slightest thing and swayed and gave me a steadfast inwardness. I praise God’s love that let me experience suffering, not only in body but in heart as well and through that formed me to be a good doctor and shepherd for the sheep.

One Word: I will be a shepherd for the weak

 Prayer topics:

1. One  Abraham & 12 disciples of Jesus' faith on the University of Bergen
2. for M. Joseph Jin's  complete recovery; to carry the cross of work and mission bravely like a lion
3. M. Maria Jin's health; to be used as a mother of prayer; the spiritual growth of the 2nd generation Josua und Esther