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God Who Made the Weakest into a Shepherd for University Students

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45)

Part I. Dark days with poverty and illnesses

I was born in Jang-Heung, Jeon Nam Province, as the second child among five sons and one daughter in 1957. My father was deep in debt due to a business after he resigned from public office when he was young. I grew up in a country where I attended elementary and middle school. I came in first in exams all the time and got scholarships. I became the hope of my family. In 1971, my family gave all our property to the creditors and moved to Hong Eeun Dong, a poor village. We felt stifled, for all our eight family members had to live in a much smaller place with one room compared to our former spacious country house. Due to poverty, I gave up going to academic high school. I entered Deok Su Commercial High School which was famous as a financial services academy. When I was a sophomore in high school, I got tuberculosis. I had to take a year off from school. I also had to be kept in isolation in another room for fear of infections. I could not help but shed tears from self-pity, thinking that I had to be in bed due to a disease, not being able to study in the prime of school life. I taught myself how to play Baduk, a popular Korean board game to overcome loneliness. In 1975, with the start of a new year, I had to return to school. I hoped to change my destiny. I dropped out of school and passed the national qualification exam for high school. I took an entrance examination to enter Seoul National University, but I failed and entered the department of administration at the University of Seoul.

I worried about tuition fees every semester. I took a test to get a job at Korea Exchange Bank in my freshman year to solve my financial problems. Though I passed the test overcoming intense competition, I failed the interview because I didn’t pass a medical examination due to tuberculosis. I resented my tuberculosis, for it was hindering me from getting an opportunity. I fell into nihilism, watching fallen leaves in late autumn. I lost the desire and hope for living. Though I was in my early twenties at that time, I became like an old man oppressed by the burdens of life. Until then, I didn’t know about God. Though I had thought about the existence of God while struggling against diseases, I didn’t get clear answers about whether God really exists, where I am from and where I am going, what the purpose and meaning of my life is, how I should live, and so on. My life was totally dark. My future looked bleak. My soul was walking in darkness wandering around endlessly.

Part II. God who saved a lost soul

While I was wandering around, God sent Shepherd David Cho (the husband of Shepherdess Jae Eun Cho who is in charge of Daily Bread) as the university lecturer of Sociology at the University of Seoul. One day, Shepherd David Cho asked me to come to visit a students’ meeting held in Chong No 5-Ga. I couldn’t turn down his invitation. I began to visit Chong No UBF and started one-to-one Bible study with him. The UBF shepherds treated me like a prince. I attended a Sunday worship service and could listen to the Sunday messages of the late Missionary Samuel Lee. He seemed extraordinary to my eyes. He had amazing power even though he had a small body. I couldn’t understand all of his messages, yet they were powerful and full of spirit. After service, Missionary Samuel Lee would shake hands with each person at the door and encourage us. Whenever I missed a worship service, I got a letter from Missionary Maria Ann. I attended fellowship meetings sharing daily bread and testimonies. I received much care and love from many shepherds.

In 1977, I was invited to the Summer Bible Conference held in Ju Mun Jin near the East Sea. We prayed for world mission, calling each country’s name while on the sand by the sea and listening to the messages of the gospel of John. Though my friends quit Bible study one by one to prepare for the bar examination, I continued to study the Bible because of my Bible teacher’s love toward me. However, my sickness became worse and worse. Even listening to lectures was difficult. My back and pelvic pain became so severe that I couldn’t sit still in class. During mid-term exams in my sophomore year, I couldn’t stand anymore.  I could not but submit an application for a leave of absence. Though my symptoms were similar to those of sciatica, I didn’t know the exact name of the disease. I had to taste the fear of death with severe pain every day. My mom cried together with me holding me with her hands.  When I was too weak to visit the Bible center, Shepherd David Cho came to my home and prayed for me earnestly. 

Though I was a serious patient, I was called to the army. Before entering the military, I had drunken parties with friends for one month out of fear of joining the military. In this desperate situation, I remembered Jacob’s prayer. The night before entering the military, I made a vow like Jacob before the Creator God, “Lord, if you protect me in the military field and help me to come back home safely, I will become your servant.”

Whenever I received military trainings, I was frightened to death because of my weak health. In each moment I called Jesus’ name earnestly and desperately. Then surprisingly, I could get new strength and stand up. Though I was a serious patient, I could complete four weeks of military training and was sent to a military dog training division. As I adjusted myself to military life, I forgot the grace of God. I would attend a Sunday worship service ceremonially. I indulged in alcohol and pleasure. Then I began to feel sick again. I was treated with acupuncture and took oriental medicine. However, nothing worked. Also, my face and neck were covered with a rash. My appearance became ugly. Right before being discharged from military service, both my body and heart were full of pain. I couldn’t find hope anywhere in the world.  

Right after I was discharged from the military service in October 1980, I visited the UBF center. I could open my spiritual eyes gradually about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit through continual Bible study and meditation on the book of Romans. I could experience indescribable joy and happiness. In 1981, I began the new year with prayers to God, confessing every sin and asking God for his forgiveness. Jesus washed away all my sins with his blood and granted me forgiveness. The Holy Spirit descended upon me like a fire, curing me from head to toe. I returned to school with abundant spirit in 1981 as a sophomore. I dared to preach the gospel to all the students in my university. I could bring many students to Jesus. Also, when I studied with the clear purpose of revealing God’s glory, I could get good scores on tests and scholarships from the mayor of Seoul.

While I was a student, I was sent to Chong No 3 Chapter from ChongNo Hak Sa Hoe Chapter, which was a university graduate society. Shepherd Joseph Ahn, who was a diplomat, served me with one-to-one Bible study. He would serve Bible students and Sunday messages after work. In 1981, through a spring Bible academy, I was appointed as a shepherd. I asked God for one Bible student earnestly. Then Brother Ja Cheol Ku, from my same department, came to me asking for Bible study. We shared our lives, listening to lectures together, eating meals together, and taking walks together. He was a student who enjoyed drinking and smoking, but after he met Jesus during the summer Bible conference that year, he began to have great joy. He became a sincere disciple of Jesus and co-worker to me in pioneering the University of Seoul. The number of Bible students increased gradually. I served 20 to 30 Bible studies faithfully every week. I often skipped meals or classes because of coming students. I would teach the Bible till late at night. I even studied with nine students on a single day from early morning to night. Though I was a student shepherd, I stayed on campus and in the Bible center as if I were a full-time shepherd. Feeding sheep as a Bible shepherd was truly meaningful and brought me happiness.

I held on to Mark 10:45, moved by Missionary Joseph and Maria Ahn’s love for Jesus and their sacrificial shepherd life. I chose it as my life key verse to follow in their footsteps. Though Jesus is the Most High, he didn’t come to be served, but to give his life as a ransom for many. Jesus’ love toward a sinner like me inspired me to serve Bible students. God sent me Andrew Choi, Gideon Lee, John Moon, SangJin Han, Daniel Seo, and Moses Park one by one after Ja Cheol Ku and saved them from their sins of lust, selfishness, inferiority complex, and fatalism. God raised them up as shepherds.

Before graduation, I had to pray for my life direction. In 1984, when the door to world mission was opened through a job as a chicken killer in the U.S., I learned how to catch chickens in a chicken farm, covered with dust, to be a missionary. I even passed the test to be a chicken killer. I paid 3 million won, which was a large sum of money at that time, for immigration procedures. However, God didn’t open the way for world mission for me. God had prepared a better way for me.

I began to feel sick again and became thinner day by day because I skipped breakfast often and didn’t eat regularly for about two years, serving Bible students and the ministry. I had an X-ray taken and it turned out to be tuberculosis. My tuberculosis, which gave me great pain for several years in the past came back. I blamed God.  “Lord, I devoted myself to you despite back pains. Why did you make this happen?” Shepherd John Jun and Shepherdess Maria Ahn gave me the direction to take some rest at home, receiving medical treatments and leaving my Bible students in the care of other shepherds. I laid down everything and depended on the Bible. I began to read from Genesis to Revelation and prayed to God earnestly. While reading the Bible, I could feel that the Holy Spirit was touching and healing my sick body parts. Though the doctor advised me to receive treatments for a year, I recovered from my illness in two months.

During the 1984 Bible conference for missionaries and intern shepherds, God granted me Mark 10:45 and appointed me as a staff shepherd by Shepherd John Jun and Shepherdess Maria Ahn. I accepted God’s calling with fear and trembling. I made a decision of faith to sacrifice my youth and life for campus pioneering work and world mission. I served students at the University of Seoul, SungKyunKwan University, the medical school of Seoul National University, the engineering school of Seoul National University, Sogang University, and Ewha Women's University, while receiving intern shepherd’s training. I received five years of training in serving, humility, sharing common life, preaching, shepherding, reading, writing messages, and so on. In January 1988, God blessed me to establish a house church with Shepherdess Young Sook Kim who has an angelic heart. In May, I was sent to pioneer Sejong University from Jongno 3 Chapter. I devoted myself to the pioneering work of God in Sejong University. God granted us a baby boy, Paul, in March 1989 and a baby girl, Hanna, in 1993. However, my son had a big accident. I missed the newborn baby in the air by accident. He bumped his head against the floor. His head was swollen and got twice as big. Through a CT scan, we found that he had a fracture on his skull from top to bottom. In that desperate situation there was no proper medical treatment. Every day, my wife and I prayed to God with tears that God may save his life. God answered our prayers and my son's head recovered completely.

Because I experienced such an amazing grace, I was committed to one-to-one Bible study and disciple-making ministry more passionately. Many Bible students shared their testimonies and received spiritual training. Shepherd David and Elisabeth Kang and Shepherd Mark Kim, who had joined the pioneering ministry in Sejong, were sent to South America. Shepherd Jacob Kim was sent to Australia as a missionary. Shepherd Barnabas and Becky Kim, and Shepherd Joshua Kim were sent to Indonesia. Shepherdess Maria Kim, Shepherdess Elisabeth Chae, and Shepherd Isaac Lee are serving God, influencing juniors at the Sejong center.

In the fall of 1994, God granted me the direction through the late Missionary Samuel Lee to move to Chun Cheon Chapter for the pioneering ministry on the Chun Cheon campuses. I cried all week because leaving sheep was too painful for me. However, I could overcome my will by depending on the Lord ’s Prayer taken from Luke 11. I could obey God’s will in the end. During the spring semester of 2012, I studied Mark 7 and 9. Through the Syrian woman who came to Jesus with her daughter's problem, and through the father who came to Jesus with his son's problem, I could see that I was suffering from my own son’s problem. Both Bible events were related to children, and when the children were young, they became demon-possessed. Through this, I realized that my son’s problem occurred due to his father’s problem and his mother’s problem. I couldn't make excuses saying that I didn't have enough time to take care of my son because I had to concentrate on serving the ministry. Before Jesus healed the young daughter, he helped the mother to have faith first. Likewise, before Jesus healed the son, Jesus helped the father to have faith first. I hadn’t prayed for my son for a long time. Despite all my prayers for him, he didn’t come back. He was like the prodigal son. Whenever I thought of my son, I felt heart-broken. However, my wife and I started to pray for him every night, trusting in God's unchanging love. He hasn’t come back yet. Through my son's problem, God has trained me to be a man of humility, love, and faith. I pray that I may have a broken shepherd’s heart toward my son and serve and love him with the love of the cross without demands.

Part III.  I am what I am

After I came to Chun Cheon, I often lay in bed because of hepatitis B. I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder in 2005. I got an MRI on my shoulder. My disease was identified as a "rotator cuff tear." I was hospitalized and my shoulder was stitched up for 8 hours in the KNU hospital. I had to deliver a Sunday message with an orthopedic support for several months. In 2006, a cyst was found in my liver. My body seemed like a time bomb which was about to explode at any time. Why didn’t God make my body a body of steel? It is because Jesus’ grace is sufficient for me. Apostle Paul pleaded with the Lord to take away a thorn in his flesh three times. But God didn’t remove the thorn in his flesh. What is the reason?  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Apostle Paul came to know the grace of God deeply. That’s why, for Christ’s sake, he delighted in hardships. How great and amazing God’s grace is upon my life! I give thanks and praises to God who has revealed His power through my diseases and weaknesses. Thank God who has been working hard for the salvation work regardless of my weaknesses! I pray that I may accept my weaknesses deeply and depend on Jesus only so that Christ’s power may rest on me all the more.

Most of all I was a terrible sinner who was doomed to be punished because of my sin of lust. After I learned about the seriousness of the sin of lust through Bible study, I had suffered from a sense of guilt and condemnation for a long time.  Yet, I received forgiveness of sins and freedom through 2 Corinthians 5:17. Whenever I was tempted by the sin of lust, I held on to Galatians 5:24 and got victory, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.”

God has been using this unworthy sinner for his precious world mission. Since 1993, God has invited me to international Bible conferences each time and granted me his abundant word with world mission vision and faith. I could grow as a messenger, receiving message training for several years from the late Missionary Samuel Lee. I attended the Bible conferences in the CIS, Europe, the U.K., Japan, Vietnam, and Canada. During summer vacation, I often traveled to mission fields with students. We could enlarge the place of our tent for world mission.  I traveled to Europe with a vision tour team in 2006 with the prayer topic to send out missionaries to Europe. We scouted out Slovakia which had not been pioneered by our missionaries. Then in the next year, Shepherd Paul Chang, who was working in Chun Cheon District Court, was sent out to Slovakia, which was barren spiritually. When we prayed for world mission persistently, God blessed Chun Cheon Chapter to send out 33 missionaries to the U.S.A., Paraguay, Japan, Vietnam, Thailand, Ireland, the U.K., Germany, Hungary, and Slovakia. God also sent Missionary Abraham Chang, who got a Ph.D. degree in Japan, as a professor shepherd to JeonJu National University of Education to begin the work of God in JeonJu Chapter 2.

Looking back on my life I realize that I’ve lived a turbulent life of poverty, diseases, failures, sins, weaknesses, and mistakes. Yet God has had mercy on this unworthy sinner and has been pouring heavenly blessings constantly upon me. Without God’s grace, I could have died young in my twenties. Without God’s grace, he could have sentenced me to dreadful punishments after I pursued money, power, and success in the world. I was undeserving of his grace, yet he came to me first and granted me the grace of forgiveness and the kingdom of heaven. Not only did he save me from my sin, but he also raised me up as a Bible shepherd for university students and a full-time staff to bless me to serve and heal sick souls. I am what I am only by God’s grace. I pray that I may not forget the grace of God in my life. I pray that I may serve the work of God for Bible Korea and World Mission all the more, holding on to the grace of God.

One Word:  I am what I am only by God’s grace.