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FROM A SELFISH SINNER INTO A SACRIFICIAL SERVANT OF GOD

Key verse: John 12:24, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

(1) My Father and Mother's Hope

On August 30, 1964, I was born in Chunnam, Bosung which is far from Seoul, a small and poor area, the Galilee of Korea. My mother gave birth to four daughters in a row before I was born. As the first son, I became my father and mother's hope. My father had failed in many businesses. So he drank a lot. As a child, I often saw my father drunk and staggering in the street. When he came home, he hugged me and said, "My son, you have to succeed for our family. "I didn't want to repeat his failure. I decided to be a great man to please my father and mother. Reading a lot of books, I had a dream to be a great politician, like ex-president Kim Dae Jung.

(2) I left my hometown at the age of 12

At age 12 I moved to Gwangju, the big city. I studied harder and harder, dreaming that I would come back home as a man of success. I had competed very fiercely with my classmates who were richer than me. To be at the top of my class was my only purpose in life. Sometimes I was at the top at my school and surprised my classmates. But I was not happy. To my surprise, I was empty and full of anxiety about future possible failure. Because I did not know what the real purpose of life was, I wandered in darkness and loneliness. My soul was withering. I liked to read Buddhist books. Sometimes I visited Buddhist temples.

(3) I was hospitalized

When I was sixteen years old, I was hospitalized because of kidney problems. Doctors told me to rest, not to study hard. I had to study hard in order to enter the top university. But I could not go to high school for one year. My future dream of success seemed to be shattered. I cried out in despair. But in the hospital, an UBF shepherdess, a sacrificial servant of God, invited me to one to one Bible study.

(4) Bible Study

In 1980, I began to study the Bible in the Gwangju UBF center. I did not expect anything special from the Bible study. But through John's gospel, I experienced the word of God moving in my heart like a seed coming to life. John 1:4 moved my heart: "In him was life, and that life was the light of men." When I studied the Bible, I felt life moving in my heart. This life was spiritual. The word of God gave me joy, grace, happiness, vision and holy passion. Before I studied the Bible, I was just like a flower cut from its roots. But when the word of God was given to me, my soul revived. Gradually, the word of God healed my spiritual diseases: emptiness, selfishness, lust and human ambition. When I prayed every day early in the morning, God healed my physical kidney disease. The Lord blessed all of my family to believe in God. The word of God transformed me from a hopeless and helpless sinner into a passionate servant of God.

(5) World Mission

I wanted to share the grace of God with my friends in high school. I brought many classmates to the center. I led daily bread meetings with several friends after lunch time. High school study was so stressful to us. But through Bible study and daily bread meetings, we could be encouraged and have peace in our hearts. God blessed the Gwangju HBF ministry until 20 students attended the Sunday worship service. God gave me world mission vision through listening to world mission reports. Dr. Samuel Lee brought tall and handsome American shepherds every year to Korea to share world mission reports. Whenever I attended these meetings, I felt that God was calling me for world mission. I liked to read the records of early UBF history. Reading the records, I felt holy passion for the world campus mission firing in my heart. I memorized the missionary names which were written in the daily bread book and prayed for them. In my high school days, my only dream was to be a missionary in the future.

(6) Passion for the Work of God

In 1984, I entered Korea University, majoring in English language and literature, in order to be a missionary in the future, like missionary Joseph Ahn. At that time missionary Joseph Ahn was my role model, because he was a diplomat missionary. I transferred from the Gwangju center to the Anam center. I devoted myself to God's work beginning in my freshman year. I was full of passion for the work of God. I joined common life and attended every meeting in the center. I prayed every day early in the morning most loudly in the center. Whenever I prayed to the Lord, God gave me heavenly joy and passion. I invited many friends to one to one Bible study. God blessed me and I could raise up two shepherds while I was a freshman. I could experience the power of God's word. God gave me the grace to lead one fellowship as a sophomore.

(7) I became proud and arrogant

However I gradually lost my pure heart. I enjoyed human recognition. I became proud and arrogant. I could not understand lazy shepherds. I judged the fruitless shepherds. God knew my sin problem and began to train me by letting all the hopeful sheep run away. I became a shameful shepherd. I could not but repent of my arrogance and human ambition. The Lord helped me to turn my purpose of shepherd life into Jesus himself and have a broken shepherd heart, according to Philippians 3:8 and John 12:24: "I may gain Christ and be found in him"; "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."

(8) God taught me the secret of Jesus' cross

I realized that I had to fall to the ground and sacrifice myself totally for the glory of God. Jesus is the Son of God. However he came to this world as a kernel of wheat. He humbled himself and gave up all things, even his life for us. God taught me the secret of Jesus' cross and sacrifice. I was deeply moved by Jesus' life-giving spirit. I began to struggle to learn Jesus' life and his broken shepherd heart. From that time on, I could help sheep with a pure heart. God began to send me many sheep. When confronted with the magnitude of their problems, I could not but kneel down before God and pray earnestly with tears. Gradually God changed me from an ambitious shepherd into a sacrificial shepherd.

(9) God gave me direction to live as a full time shepherd.

In 1990, God gave me direction to live as a full time shepherd. My parents expected me to make a lot of money and support them just after graduation. I had to make a decision whether I might please God, or my parents. Because my parents had hope in me, it was not easy for me to make a decision to live as a poor staff shepherd. God gave me Matthew 6:33: "But seek first his kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." My father and relatives persecuted me a lot. But when I entrusted my parents to God, God blessed my parents and family abundantly. Now all of my family believe in God and experience God's blessing.

(10) God blessed my marriage

God blessed me by marrying Mi sook Kim, a beautiful woman of God in 1993. God so loved us by giving us a daughter, Gloria, and a son, John. In 1997, God helped me to pioneer Anam chapter 7. We started the ministry with 30 Sunday worship members at first. God blessed our ministry with 50 in three years. I had a great vision of sending 100 missionaries through our ministry. But God had another plan to train me more.

(11) A Soldier of Christ

In 2001, God suddenly gave me direction to go to the Gwangju center. At first I hesitated, because I did not want to leave my lovely sheep. However, I obeyed God's will. In 2001, there was a great storm in the Gwangju center. Many leaders and sheep left the center. It was very overwhelming. I did not know what to do. Sometimes I was filled with fear. I struggled with many humanistic, negative thoughts. But God encouraged me to hold on to Mark 11:22: "Have faith in God." I realized that I had to trust only in God and fight against the negative atmosphere as a soldier of Christ. I decided to begin campus ministry newly only by faith.

(12) One to One Bible Study

Fifty years ago, Dr. Samuel Lee and Mother Barry began UBF ministry in Gwangju with nothing. When they had faith in God, they could challenge campus ministry and God worked powerfully. I concentrated on one to one Bible studies and preparing Sunday worship service messages. Every Friday night we had a Nehemiah prayer meeting, inspired by Nehemiah 2:17: "Come, let's rebuild the wall of Jerusalem." We earnestly prayed for a revival to come to Gwangju. God granted us great mercy and sent new sheep. God enabled us to build a new center near Chonnam National University. God moved the hearts of shepherds. They gave offerings very sacrificially. The new center has a UBF history museum. Through this, young shepherds could develop a strong spiritual identity. Our ministry grew gradually. In 2001, the number of Sunday worship attendants was 110. But 10 years later, in 2011, the number of Sunday worship attendants increased to 170. God blessed us to send 25 missionaries in the past ten years. Last summer we had a summer conference. Two hundred and four people attended the conference. There were 50 sheep. I made every effort to make them disciples of Jesus. Praise the Lord who has given us mercy and grace to restore the spirit of the gospel among us.

(13) 31 Years of UBF Life

I really thank God for saving me from my sins and using me as a servant of God in the Anam and Gwangju centers for the past 31 years. May God use me as an instrument of God's words and bless the Gwangju ministry as the power station for world campus mission. We are praying for 200 Sunday worship attendants and 300 one to one Bible study teams this year. May God bless us to pioneer new campuses and send many more missionaries around the world.

One word: a kernel of wheat.

Nehemiah Kim
Kwangju 1.6
http://zionubf.org/